This post is not what i thought it'd be...

     Its totally been awhile, but things got busy. Not in a I-have-so-much-work-to-do-I-have-no-time-to-chillax kind of busy. More of a I-have-planned-so-many-blog-worthy-things-to-do-that-I-don't-actually-have-time-to-blog kind of busy. Ok, well, most of it was that. But the past days have just been sadness over Esther passing. It really does suck that someone with so much life in them didn't get enough time to live it all, but it is a comfort to know that she lived her life to the fullest. The 16 short years she got weren't in vain, they were lived more fully them some people get whether its 30 years or 60. When I was younger and the man who would have ended up as my uncle passed my mom told me that sometimes people need to die because God has a need for them up in heaven. And I don't know if thats true or not, its hard to imagine that any human can do something that God himself cannot do, but I do believe that heaven is a greater place for having Esther in it, and I would like to think that God did have a need for her and thats why we don't have her anymore. I didn't know her as well as I wanted to, and certainly not as well as her closest friends had the privilege to but the little I did know was proof enough that this girl was a miracle in and of herself, and she will not be forgotten soon, if ever.

      I honestly didn't think I was gonna blog that much about Esther. I thought I was gonna mention being sad and then move on... it's hard for me to put out so much real emotion were other people can see it. Because 1) I tend to not share my stronger emotions more often then not (truthfully its probably why I will never be a published author) and 2) its even harder for me to put it in a place thats meant for public view because then I feel that it becomes less about what your feeling and more about how will the people reading it construe it, and then I just fall apart thinking how does this sound, maybe I should use this word, do I sound fake? will people mock? etc etc etc...

     I really am all talk. For all my posturing about how I don't care what other people think of me, that the only thing that matters is my own opinion, and that the mean and petty comments i may hear about myself are actually quite amusing to me cause I know who I am and thats all that matters... Its all lies. I do want to be liked. I'm still that stupid 14 year old who's so scared of rejection that I'll hide who I am because I don't think people like who she is. It's not as bad as it was back then, but its still there lurking under the girl I am now. There are times when I really don't care if people think I'm stupid or annoying or a bitch (truthfully that last one bothers me the least- being bitchy is a choice, one i make a few times, but stupid or annoying are the kind of things that I feel are harder to stop being- my intelligence is what it is and if my personality is annoying I also can't help it- its who I am, who I've been these past 24 yrs...)

     But then there are moments that I won't say something, or I'll let something pass because I don't want to bring attention to myself or give people the opportunity to think I am stupid...

     I still have the same low self esteem I've had since I was a kid. I know this and I want to change it, but I don't know how. How do you stop from thinking a certain way?

At the bar..

So this post will be short cause I'm enjoying my Blue Moon. Saw Scott Pilgrim for the 3rd time today and it was still epic. I'm going dancing tomorrow w the girls (and possibly with my ex which is gonna be sooooooo awkward, ugh.) and Finally I can go to Disneyland on Sunday!!

DFTBA

Watchin Doctor Who

     So a short post tonight as I am in the middle of a very creepy episode of Doctor Who and I'm in the middle of dinner too.

     Ok, seriously, is that Satan in a planet next to a black hole in space? So Hell isn't below us after all but father away then we ever imagined? And I'm sorry but we better get the Tardis back soon, I miss it already!

     Anyways, what to blog about...
    
     Wait what? IDA YOU IDIOT! That thing, that Beast claims to be Satan and you want to get a closer look? Dude RUN LIKE HELL!!!

     Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, blog...

     Ooh, I have an hour left to post this so I don't miss a day. Its kind of exciting being able to blog for consecutive days... Although I still find myself wishing this blog was more then my public diary...

     Ok I'm heading out cause Doctor Who is too good!!!

     DFTBA

     (And I've cried like 3 times already!)

Beach Day!

     I'm sorry, but when you go to a bookstore and the first words out of your mouth are "I don't know the title of the book or the author's name..." please just go home, go online and do some freakin' research! A bookstore is a place of business, not your own little living yellow pages.

     I also had one guy get mad when the book he was looking for wasn't in hardcover format but paperback. His words were: "You sent me to the section, but they didn't have the book, all they had was the paperback!" Apparently paperbacks aren't really books... then he goes on this rant how why would he want to spend his $ on a POS thats just gonna fall apart anyways, and why do they even make paperbacks?
    
     I really wanted to snap back that, one, he didn't tell me he wanted a hardcover so how the eff am I supposed to know he wouldn't want that version. Two, some people prefer paperbacks and some are trying to spend within their budget and $30 is a lot for one book. And three, please stick to shopping online cause you're annoying. Sigh, people sometimes...

     Thankfully no one else gave me any grief during my 4 hour shift. I guess its good that I got my one douchey customer out of the way in the first half hour of my shift...

     Before work I went to the beach! It was awesome, and the first time this summer (that never was) that i actually went into the water, which was FREEZING!!! Seriously, it was like water in early may since the weather hasn't been all that hot the ocean hasn't heated up any. It took awhile but Cassandra and I finally got in all the way (Crystal was way ahead of us...) and it was fun! I mean it was still freezing, and my toes got numb a bit (and then they started to hurt a bit) but it was nice to in the big old blue again! We even saw some dolphins swim lazily across the beach, one even jumped out of the water a bit! I swear it never gets old seeing marine life especially the cute ones like dolphins and and sea lions! But even the scary ones like sharks, jellies, and rays are cool (from an aqaurium, of course).

     Hopefully, this won't be the only beach trip of the year, but knowing how cold the water is, I know I'll have to practically force myself  into the waves!

     Tomorrow I work both jobs, thankfully they're spaced apart far enough that I won't be rushing from one job to the next. Not so thankfully, my job at Barnes and Noble starts at 6am... how do I get myself in these situations?! oh, right, I have no spine... plus I could totally use the extra $ on my paycheck...

     DFTBA!

Another Day Off

     Ok so bare with me cause I'm blogging while I watch Doctor Who which may not be my smartest idea... 

     I didn't have work today, which was nice and also...

     Ooh, the Doctor made a reference to the Muppet Movie! SQUEE!!

     Ok, anyways, since i had the day off and my room was somewhat clean (definitely cleaner then normal) i basically got to wake up late, watch some tv (Raiders of the Lost Ark), then I went to the movie theaters to rewatch Scott Pilgrim and it was still just as awesome as it was opening day! I also had to stop by Barnes and Noble to return the Nook i had borrowed. You know,sad battery aside, I'm gonna miss that nifty device... oh well...

     Sweet, a werewolf story on Doctor Who!

     Anyways, tomorrow I have work But I plan on hitting the beach before hand, cause finally, finally, finally, Finally, we had summer weather! 

     It was in the high 70's today and its supposed to be in the 80's tomorrow! I guess it was too early to call it The Summer That Never Was, hope the trend continues!

     DFTBA

Day off

     So after church the 'rents and I went to ross and I ended up buy two new pair of shoes. Not cause I need them or cause they're for work but just cause they were cute. One pair are grey ankle boots with 3 buttons on the side, its got this really nice victorian touch to it that just tickles me, and these black peek-a-boo heels that are like 3 inches tall, which for me is tall. Thankfully, its also on a platform so its easier to walk on, but seriously i cannot wait to take them out for a spin, hopefully my friend Cassandra will have Friday so we can go dancing!

     Ugh, I really want some chips. Something really salt and lemony, an maybe even spicy... sadly Dad is cooking right now so I can't sneak out and buy some. That's probably for the best though, I really should be at least trying to eat even slightly healthy... but its sooo easy to just buy a bag of chips or heat up some noodles instead of taking time to, like, make a sandwich... (Man! I am lazy!)

     Although I do have this very easy recipe for Avocado Cucumber soup, two things i really, really love (and they both go well with lemons!). Which is great for summer weather since its not a soup you heat up. Although... its not like this summer has been so unbearable that I'm dying for something cold, we have yet to move past the spring weather of high 60's and low 70's except for one week early in the season. Seriously from this point on Summer '10 will be known as The Summer that Never Was. I've only been to the beach once and I didn't get into the water, its been to windy and the water is too cold for me, without the intense heat its not pleasurable... stupid climate change, it almost makes me wish for global warming to come back...

Something I Love

     Ok, so since I have wifi and Im actually able to blog from Charlie (my laptop) instead of Albus (iphone),  I figured in celebration I would post another blog tonight. 

     So something I love is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. 

     A TV show on NBC that aired on Mondays right after Heroes. Sadly it only lasted one season but I enjoyed every moment of it. It was smart and it was funny and it had such a way of going back and forth between drama and comedy that just worked. And what comedy! even now, hundreds of rewatches later some of those lines still make me LOL, and they had such sweet romantic moments too. I love Matt and Harriet and Danny and Jordan was unexpected but so perfect! 

     My favorite Episodes Have to be Nevada Day Part I, Nevada Day Part II, and The Christmas Show. The first two is just a crazy ride and the Christmas Show also had some great lines as well as a lot of emotion. 

     If you've never seen this tv show I highly recommend you give it a shot. I'm watching it right now and I couldn't be happier <3

BEDA #... uh... I lost track.

I saw Scoot Pilgrim vs The World last night. Sooo much fun! All I can think about is when can I go and see it again! The soundtrack sounds a lot cooler after you can see bow the music is used. I loved Envy! If she were a real singer in our world I would totally be a fan!

Right now the whole family is at my home to. Elevrate my cousin's birthday. It's fun having everyone here. Watching movies, telling stories, catching up, and eaten good food. Sometimes it's nice having such a large family.

...

...

...

Yeah... No clue what else to say, which is ridiculous! In high school I was always writing away... Now, I can barely string 2 sentences together that don't bore me to death... le sigh hopefully the more I blog the better I'll get at this. Just don't expect too much...

i hate trying to think up witty titles...

Ok so clearly BEDA totally didn't work for me... sigh I think the big problem is that I keep treating this blog like a diary, and sadly my life is, well, it's Boring I'm always so impressed with all the blogs I follow cause they're ability to come up with creative and intelligent blogs, so when I put mine out, it alway feels so... meh.

I could probably do better if I had a set of topics to choose from, the way the 5AG do for their vids... but having to come up on my own with something creative and interesting? yeah, not so much.

Anyways, today I did something I have been dying to do since I got my driver's license- head over to Palos Verdes and drive over Portuguese Bend! Ok, so those who don't live down here are probably going, um... what? ok, please forgive this very basic and not at all complete explantion, but: Palos Verdes is a city on a hill overlooking the ocean- the hill was caused due to uplifting, so a lot of it is made mostly of sediments that used to reside under the ocean so the ground isn't that stable, so PV gets a lot land slides and such- Portuguese Bend is an area that the movement happens a lot so much so that the pipes in this area can't be contained underground cause the movement would cause them to burst. Anyways, they keep having to pave the road over and over cause all the movement but it is soooo fun to drive it cause the bumps are like rollar coaster bumps and the turns are a little crazy too! Sadly (for me, not for the people living in PV), Portuguese Bend only lasts like .08 of a mile, but its a hoot!

Driving PV is always nice cause its got a great view of the Pacific, and on a clear day like today you could see all the way to Catalina Island. And the Water! It was so blue! Like something out of the Caribbean, not our polluted filled waters...

Sadly, the view only reminded me of how I haven't been to the beach once this Summer. I mean I went once to the beach but it was only to tan. I have yet to actually get in the ocean, which is so unlike my friends and I. But the weather hasn't been agreeing either, at least not for me, I love getting into the water when its high 70's and 80's but the Summer has yet to deliver these conditons, its mostly high 60's and low 70's. So while it looks like perfect LA weather, it sure doesn't feel that way. I sure hope I get at least one day in the water this summer...

Well, hopefully I'll blog tomorrow.
Till then,
DFTBA

You know what sucks? Having the bugs of Summer without proper Summer weather...

I cannot believe I forgot to Blog again!! Sooo unfair.


Anyways, I have an ortho appointment today. I've been rocking the purple and yellow (laker colors) since my last appointment but I think it's time to change... I had Slytherin colors before but I want to try something new... Maybe red and white? Or black and blue? Purple and green for something really crazy? Sigh I'll figure it out.


I've been watching the same two Scott Pilgrim vs The World trailers over and over again and I so cannot wait for the movie so I can finally watch it! And I hate that unlike everyother movie out there they didn't release the soundtrack like months in advance. The music is gonna be very important in this movie since scotts in a band...


Well it's running late- gotta get ready. Catch you all later!


Dftba

Aaaand I Fail

I completely meant to blog for day two, too. But I was gonna finish cleaning and get through the first disc of Doctor Who Series two first. And then I did finish those and decided that sleeping would be great... somewhere between all that I completely forgot about BEDA :(


Well anyways c'est la vie! I'll try to not forget anymore! And I'm not gonna let one little misstep destroy the whole thing for me either, so...


Except I have NO clue what to blog about. I went to work, heard some intense gossip, so intense I won't even speak of it after this, went to the park to eat my food, went to costco, got two DVDs, and went home.


Ok well, the park! My friend Robin gave me the idea cause during her lunch she'll head out to the park closest to her to eat and read. And I got my food from work, but I didn't want to eat it in the kitchen or take it home cause I do that all the time, so I figured I'd take a page from Robin's book and just go to the park. Thankfully I have a blanket in the trunk of my car so I was able to enjoy it without breaking out into a rash... I'm reading Live and Let Die (2nd James Bond novel) so I was out in the warm sunshine with a delicious Burger Melt and a good book watching all the kids around, the lady with her little chihuahua mix, the boys tossing a football around, all the birds flitting to and fro. It was nice. I'm gonna have to do that again soon.


I definitely need to do things like that more. Stuff like go on more hikes, watch the sun set, hang out at the beach. I always say the best thing about CA is the genuine mix of city and nature... time to take advantage of that.


So, question: what type of natury things do you guys enjoy?

see ya tomorrow
DFTBA

BEDA

And damn it I will succeed!!! 31 posts in 31 days and I'm not gonna let mundane life get in the way of blogging either. If I can't talk about my day cause its so boring (a common occurrence) then i will find something to blog about! Even something like a picture, or a link, or a song, even.

Speaking of mundane days, today was pretty mundane. My Sundays are all the same now- Work, Mass, True Blood. I'm not complaining mind you. Its great to work but not have to actually work in the front of the restaurant- no guests to greet and quote times to meet, no large parties to set up, no one to yell at me. I just get in, count money, organize papers, and get out! Plus I get a free meal out of it- Chili fries today and the manager treated me to Starbucks! <3

Its weird though, since I do have a position where I have more responsibility and because I am constantly in the manager's office I hear so much crap now- not even about the servers and hosts and stuff, but like about other managers- one manager can't stand another, another gets annoyed when so and so does this, and the number of eff-bombs that were dropped today? yowza. Of course when I first got the bookkeeping position I was told that I would be hearing a lot of stuff that should never be repeated. Today kinda proved it. :)


But, you know, I don't mind not getting to tell any one cause I'm just excited I get to hear it in the first place. I'm not a huge gossiper, in that, I don't repeat what I hear, but I LOVE to hear other people's secrets even if I don't do anything with the information except forget after a few days... I just like knowing things.


Song Stuck in my head


BEDA- Day 1 Complete!